Monday evening I got a surprise…..

The Donor called me. Not only did he call me, he was friendly. Wait – there’s more too. He asked if he could keep The Monkey that night. I was shocked and amazed.

Tuesday morning I went to pick her up and he handed me a little envelope and three cotton swabs. Oh yes. That’s right. He went out and got a home collection DNA test. Now, I’ve been telling him since before The Monkey was born that if he really needed to know that they could have a DNA test done, because I don’t need proof that she’s his child. Anyway I swabbed the inside of my mouth, filled out the envelope and gave it back to him. They sent it off Monday afternoon, so he’ll have his answer back in 8-12 weeks.

I’m not sure what caused this – but if the DNA test is what it takes for him to finally decide to spend time with her and be there for her like he should, then I’m all about it. I think the fact that he’s going through a nasty custody battle with his ex-wife may have something to do with it, but I’m not too sure.


Lately, I’ve been kind of down (even with all the good stuff going on) so I’ve decided that at least once a week I will write down the small things I’m greatful for.

This week:

Monkey put her sticky hands on either side of my face this morning and kissed me, and then laughed maniacally. For no reason. Proof positive she’s mine. And that she likes me.

I’m moving into my apartment Friday. I’ve had other apartments before, but this one, Ladies and Gentlemen, is mine. I have no roommates, save for Monkey.

Life’s lessons. I don’t want to go too much into detail, but this week I’m incredibly grateful for a boyfriend who has patience with me, even through his own trials.

Awesome Friends. And I mean friends. Not just acquiantances.

All of a sudden, Monkey is no longer a baby – she’s a damn kid. I swear the shit happened over-night, because she’s all of a sudden using little half sentences instead of just pointing and saying the word and I don’t remember her doing that last week. Where the hell did time go???

We were in the kitchen while I was getting her some juice, and I was pulling the milk out of the fridge, because the juice was behind it and all of a sudden she points at the milk and says “Mamao, want that”. So I poured her a cup of milk and didn’t think about it until I was putting the milk back in the fridge and then I looked at her like “WTF? Did you just use a half sentence? When the hell did you become a kid????”

She’s also pretty smart too. We were hanging out at The Boyfriend’s house, and she kept picking stuff up off the table, and when we’d tell her to put it back, she’d put it back the same way it was before she touched it. And we were at The Bestie’s parents house hanging out by the pool and she picked up a round- floaty-tube thing from under a beach ball and ran around with it for a while. But when she was done with it, she put it back where she got it from and put the ball back in the center of the tube, exactly how she found it. Crazy.

Seriously, I want to know where time went. Because I swear it was just yesterday that I was bringing her little yellow behind (the doctors said she was a little jaundiced, but I don’t think they realize that my tan, is not a sun tan, its my natural skin color and her donor is pasty…) home from the hospital. She could barely even open her eyes. Now she’s a damn kid. Walking, talking (talking back already too), all that good stuff…..

In honor of all the single moms out there raising their kids on their own, Happy Father’s Day!!!! You’ll be a better father than he ever could be. Don’t feel guilty that your child doesn’t have a father to spend father’s day with. They’re better off with no father than a part-time/convenient-for-them-dad anyway.

In honor of all the single mom’s boyfriends who have no children of their own, but step up to the plate and take care of their girlfriend’s kids – Happy Father’s Day to you too. You are a rare breed, and you are more appreciated more than you will ever know.

In honor of all the step-dads who married a single mom with kid(s), Happy Father’s Day to you as well. You are also a rare breed and are appreciated.

And last, but most certainly not least, in honor of all the fathers out there taking care of the children that they helped to make, whether or not you are still with the kid’s mom, Happy Father’s Day to you too! Keep up the good work. Your kids love and appreciate you.

Moving day


Quick post, and then I’m off to bed. I have to work in the morning and then take my dad to dinner afterward.

So, I finally decided to get off my happy ass and get an apartment. I knew before starting that the process could possibly take for-fucking-ever because I have shitty credit (working on cleaning it up, but it’s a process and takes time) and figured that I’d probably end up going to a couple different complexes to eventually settle on some crappy apartment that is livable. So I started the search for a nice 2 bedroom with a washer dryer connection. Wednesday I went and applied for one that I had looked at – 2 bedroom, 1 bath, no washer dryer connection – but it’s pretty big. The leasing agent calls me about an hour after I gave her the application and starts out really chipper then kind of levels out… “Is this Asha? Ok, Do you have a minute? Ok, I was calling you back because, uhm” At this point I’m thinking “Can she just go ahead and say that they didn’t approve me and she’s sorry so that I can chalk the app fee up as a loss and get over it?” But then…. “Because I wanted to let you know that we DID approve you, and we approved you for the minimum deposit. So I need you to come by here with some check stubs and also, bring the admin fee to hold the apartment until your move in date because I only have one 2/1 left, and I can only hold it for you until the end of the day.” I was so not expecting that.
Me:”Are you like, seriously serious right now? Like for real? Because it’s not nice to play with people’s emotions”
Leasing Agent: “Uhhh, yea. I mean if you come down here I can show you the print out. But can you bring the other stuff so I can finish your file and hold your apartment for you? Because it’s a pretty nice apartment, and I wont have another one available until like October I think.
Me: “Give me like…. 10 minutes. I have to do a celebration dance. But I’ll be there.”
Ok, so I didn’t tell her I had to do a celebration dance, but I did do one. I’m flippin excited. I LOVED the apartment when she showed it to me – and I don’t have to settle on anything. Moving day, ladies and gentlemen, is July 3rd!

Over the last few years I’ve been in quite a few tumultuous relationships. All ended badly (can relationships end any other way?). So I had begun wondering what I had done in a past life or what karmic sin I had committed to chronically end up in bad relationships. Or what was I supposed to be learning?

Recently I realized that the problem is me. I get treated badly, used, and abused. But, it all happens because I ALLOW it all to happen. I don’t set the boundaries and if I do, I don’t make them clear. I don’t make myself a force or presence to be reckoned with. I let myself become a door mat, and then cry when I get used like one.

The most recent failure (or was it a learning experience?) ended because I realized that I was having to mother and take care of a grown man with a child of his own. One that he never saw, not because he didn’t want to – but because he wasn’t willing to fight for his rights to see his son. That bothered me. Bothered me badly. So I called it quits and decided it was time to take a time out from dating and focus solely on the Monkey and I. That was in February.

It’s now June, and I’ve somehow stumbled into another relationship. But this one has no red flags, no signs that make me stop and wonder what the hell he’s thinking. Nothing that makes me think that he’ll do the same things the rest of them did. I say I stumbled into a relationship because when I met him, I had no intentions of getting into a relationship. I wanted to hang out with him and be friends. Seriously. But we hung out one night, and after passing out on his couch that night (fully clothed, and no adult activities were involved – thankyouverymuch!) we just sort of….are. Not sure exactly how, but we’re together now. It’s been two weeks so far, and I’m still kind of in bliss mode.

We both have understandings of what the other party will and will not tolerate, behaviors that are unacceptable, and still – we’re both interested. When we both realized that this is what we were doing, we sat down and talked about these things. It was a little akward at first, but I’m glad it happened. So glad.

So, here’s to new beginnings, and bright futures……

I had such high hopes for this weekend and ended up doing abso-fucking-lutely nothing. I realized this last night at 9pm while I was laying in bed watching a movie. A chick flick actually (Bride Wars). I was all “What the fuck am I doing laying in bed at 9pm on a Saturday night? Oh I have to work tomorrow and be responsible and shit like a good fucking adult who pays their bills on time and shit and man this really fucking sucks because I want to go out and get drunk right now but I cant, so yeah this blows ass.” (Hello run on sentence/thought!)

The donor’s sister called me Saturday morning and told me she was headed to their parent’s house and that they had the other girls (Monkey’s sisters) and that the Donor wasn’t there and she wanted to see the baby. So I got my lazy ass up and got myself and the Monkey dressed and just “popped up” over there. Which was the plan with the Donor’s sister (who’s name by the way is Kittie – True story. I can’t make that shit up). The donor’s parents ended up keeping Monkey for a couple hours so I could “run errands” which just so happened to be my code for “so I can have a few hours all to my fucking self.” His mom wasn’t so pleased that I just popped up because I usually call. But Kittie and I had been trying to come up with a way to let all three girls get together and this was all she and I could come up with. I think I’m going to start calling them more often to see if they’ll keep her more. I mean, I need a break and they should step up sometimes and spend time with her so that she knows them and their family. It’s only right, Right?

OooooOOo Almost forgot… Got a new phone this weekend too. I should probably feel guilty about it, since I ended up spending WAY more than I intended to. But I ended up getting an LG Xenon. Its got the touch screen that I wanted and if you turn it to the side, and slide it up there’s a full qwerty keyboard. It took a litte getting used to, but I really like it so far. Well, except when I try to answer the phone because sometimes the damn thing doesn’t register my touch so it doesn’t answer the call. I’ve missed a couple calls already because of it. And the camera on the phone has a FLASH!!! Finally!!! Ha!

Oh, you should read the The Bloggess because she’s fucking HILARIOUS… Seriously. I was reading her blog a little bit ago and had to stop because I was spitting tea on my monitor from laughing so hard.